A Week in the Life of Squall
by Wa ii
Summary: A very long, very strange story of Laguna's quest to take over the world...(written in play form)


**INTRO:**

  
  


Selphie: _*singing*_ "Train, train, take us away, take us away, far away..."

  
  


Squall: (Not again!)

  
  


Seifer: "Shut up you little whore."

  
  


Selphie: "What's a whore?"

  
  


Irvine: "Come in the back room and I'll show you..."

  
  


Seifer: "Just shut up!"

  
  


Laguna: "Chill man, it's cool."

  
  


Squall: (Morons, the lot of them.)

  
  


Quistis: "Calm down Seifer."

  
  


Seifer: "I'm too bored. See, I always gotta be doing something big. I mean COME ON people!"

  
  


Squall: (Whatever...)

  
  


Rinoa: "Are you okay Squall?"

  
  


Squall: "Yeah, fine."

  
  


Zell: "Cheer up man!"

  
  


Seifer: _*muttering*_ "Chickenwuss."

  
  


Zell: "THE HELL?!?"

  
  


Selphie: "Remember, love...and peace!"

  
  


Seifer: "Fuck off bitch."

  
  


_*Selphie gasps and then bursts into tears*_

  
  


Quistis and Rinoa: "Seifer!"

  
  


Zell: "Damn ass!"

  
  


Seifer: "So? Why should I..."

  
  


Squall: "Just shut up Seifer."

  
  


Laguna: "Yeah."

  
  


Seifer: "Watch out Laguna. If you don't fix your hair Irvine's gonna hit on you."

  
  


Irvine: _*blushing* _"Will not..."

  
  


Seifer: "Oh yeah?"

  
  


Irvine: "Well..."

  
  


Squall: (This is pathetic.)

  
  


Selphie: "HELLO? I'm still sad here."

  
  


Rinoa: "It's okay Selphie. Here, play with Angelo."

  
  


Quistis: _*points to door*_ "He's in there."

  
  


Selphie: "Open, door. Door, open. Open door! Please open!"

  
  


Squall: "Turn the knob."

  
  


Selphie: "Oh. Thank you door!"

  
  


Irvine: "I think I'll go with her..."

  
  


Squall: (I wish I could see what was happening in there...)

  
  


Laguna: "Is Selphie always like that?"

  
  


Seifer: "Are you always such a girl?"

  
  


Zell: "Leave him alone man!"

  
  


Seifer: "Chickenwuss! Chickenwuss, chickenwuss..."

  
  


Zell: "Wha you say?!?"

  
  


Seifer: "I said chickenwuss."

  
  


Squall: "Hey, break it up you two."

  
  


Quistis: "Why Squall, you're starting to express your true feelings! Maybe we..."

  
  


Squall: "Oh go talk to a wall, you brooding psycho."

  
  


Rinoa: "Squall!"

  
  


Selphie:_ *from other room* _"Take WHAT off?"

  
  


Squall: "Sorry Rinoa."

  
  


Quistis: "Squall, I know some day..."

  
  


Seifer: "You've been dissed. Get over it already!"

  
  


Zell: "Leave it Seifer!"

  
  


Squall: "Don't you two start."

  
  


Selphie: _*from other room* *singing*_ "Train, train..."

  
  
  
  


**SCENE 2:**

  
  


Irvine: "She hit me! Just for touching her..."

  
  


Zell: "SELPHIE hit you???"

  
  


Irvine: "Well...it was kind of an accident."

  
  


Zell: "That's some mark. Are you sure it was an accident, man?"

  
  


Irvine: "Well, she was practicing with her weapon, and I saw an, ah, 'opening' and went for it...her elbow rammed into my face."

  
  


Zell: "So you didn't get no action dude? Man, sucks the hell!"

  
  


Irvine: "Just a feel, not really enough to..." 

  
  


_*Quistis enters*_

  
  


Quistis: "Hey guys."

  
  


Zell: "Wuzzup?"

  
  


Irvine: "Something wrong?"

  
  


Quistis: "It's just Squall...he's not reaching out to me anymore."

  
  


Zell: "I don't think he ever did."

  
  


Irvine: "Here, let me cheer you up. Come on now, lets just go for a little 'walk'..."

  
  


Zell: "No, Irvine."

  
  


Irvine: "Okay, but you've got to admit..."

  
  


Zell: "Irvine!"

  
  


Irvine: "Fine. You can have her. She's too blonde for me. I go for the more intelligent, sophisticated women..."

  
  


Zell: "Like Selphie?"

  
  


Irvine: "Yes like Selphie-wait, that was a trick question!"

  
  


Zell: "Sucks for you."

  
  


Quistis: "I'm still in the room you know..."

  
  


Irvine: "Which makes Zell very happy."

  
  


Zell: "Yo man! You gonna blow my cover!"

  
  


Irvine: "Whatever. You gotta learn to be suave, like me..."

  
  


Quistis: "Right...I think I'll go now" _*Exits*_

  
  


Zell: "Me too. Squall offered to buy me lunch-the fool! Laguna wants to talk to you anyway."

  
  


Irvine: "Mmmmmmmm...Laguna..."

  
  


Zell: (God help him...poor guy) _*Exits*_

  
  
  
  


**SCENE 3:**

  
  


Squall:_ *Waking up and stretching*_ (What a nice day...)

  
  


Rinoa: _*Knocking and entering*_ "Squall? Rise and shine, sleepyhead!"

  
  


Squall: "I'm up."

  
  


Rinoa: "Selphie hit Irvine, didja hear?"

  
  


Squall: "He's going to get himself into some major trouble."

  
  


Edea: "SILENCE!"

  
  


_*Silence*_

  
  


Squall: "What the fuck are you doing in my room?!?"

  
  


Edea: "I'm a sorceress. I can...oh just shut up! I'm here with Laguna to..."

  
  


Rinoa: "What? Laguna isn't here!"

  
  


Laguna: "Yes I am."

  
  


Squall: "What the...how did you get here?"

  
  


Irvine: "Does it matter?"

  
  


Rinoa: "Now you too?"

  
  


Edea: "All of you just shut up!"

  
  


Squall: "Why?"

  
  


Edea: "Because I'm a sorceress, that's why!"

  
  


Rinoa: "So?"

  
  


Edea: "You're just jealous."

  
  


Rinoa: "I don't want..."

  
  


Squall: "I'd be your knight!"

  
  


Rinoa: "...to be a sorceress."

  
  


Laguna: "Why not? I think it would be fun!"

  
  


Julia and Irvine: "I'd be your knight!"

  
  


Squall: "Irvine, go fuck Selphie."

  
  


Irvine: "Okay!" _*Exits but reenters and turns to Laguna*_ "I'll see YOU later" *_Exits*_

  
  


Squall: (That was disturbing.)

  
  


Edea: "Would you all just shut up and listen to me now? I mean, who's the all powerful sorceress here?"

  
  


Rinoa: "I wanna be the sorceress!"

  
  


Edea: "I'M the sorceress! Now listen up!"

  
  


Squall: "Just out with it!"

  
  


Laguna: "Let her be dramatic if she wants to."

  
  


Edea: "Laguna and I are going to..."

  
  


Rinoa: "Who wants breakfast?"

  
  


Squall and Laguna: "ME!"

  
  


_*All exit*_

  
  


Edea: "Aww damn it..."

  
  
  
  


**SCENE 4:**

  
  


Rinoa: "No Squall, left foot then slide to the right, turn...now ONE two three, ONE two three, ONE two three..."

  
  


Squall: "Errrr...ONE two three, ONE two three, TWO three one, ONE three two..."

  
  


Rinoa: "Ouch!"

  
  


Squall: "I'm sorry...I can't dance."

  
  


Rinoa: "Look deep into my eyes...you-are-going-to-stop-sucking-so-much-at-dancing..."

  
  


Squall. "Um...right." (Must reach door, don't startle her or make any sudden moves...)

  
  


Rinoa: "Hey, it worked last time, didn't it?"

  
  


Squall: _*blushing*_ "Yeah, I guess..."

  
  


Rinoa: "So, for a change of topic, Quistis has said some interesting things about your underwear..." [Nobody should get that...if you do, there's something wrong with you]

  
  


Zell: _*Bursting in*_ "Hey y'all!"

  
  


Squall: (Zell, you are a god)

  
  


Zell: "Wuzzup Squall? _*Sees Rinoa*_ "Getting a little action, dude? Yeah!"

  
  


Squall: (I wish!)

  
  


Rinoa: "What?! No!"

  
  


_*Knock at door*_

  
  


Zell: "Wait! Don't open the..."

  
  


Squall:_ *opening door*_ "Hi Seifer."

  
  


Zell: "...door."

  
  


Seifer: "Hey, chickenwuss!"

  
  


Zell: "Damn it! Shut you mouth!"

  
  


Seifer: "Make me!"

  
  


Zell: "You bet I'll..."

  
  


Selphie: _*From outside*_ "Open door. Door, open!"

  
  


Squall: (The knob, the knob...)

  
  


Selphie: _*From outside* _"Please open. Open, open, OPEN!"

  
  


Irvine: _*From outside*_ "Here Selphie." _*Both enter*_

  
  


Selphie: "Heeeeey. What's going on?"

  
  


Squall: "Zell thinks he's going to beat up Seifer."

  
  


Zell: "I could!"

  
  


Seifer: "Yeah, right."

  
  


Squall: "Did you want something Zell? You came barging in here..."

  
  


Zell: "Oh, what? Oh yeah, I remember now!"

  
  


Seifer: "Out with it, chickenwuss."

  
  


Zell: "The hell...Edea and Laguna are going to take over the world!"

  
  


_*Silence...*_

  
  


_*Silence...*_

  
  


_*Laughter!*_

  
  


Squall: "Yeah, right."

  
  


Zell: "No, seriously. Edea has gotten really powerful."

  
  


Seifer: "I ain't worried."

  
  


Rinoa: "Maybe we should be though..."

  
  


Selphie: "Wow. Mega-super-duper-bummer!"

  
  


Zell: "Right Selphie. Of course."

  
  


Squall: (Whatever...)

  
  


Seifer: "Stuff it chickenwuss."

  
  


Irvine: "You say Laguna is where???"

  
  


Zell: "Umm...I think he's in Timber."

  
  


Seifer: "I'll go kick his ass."

  
  


Rinoa: "All by yourself?"

  
  


Seifer: "I am not a BOY!"

  
  


_*Silence*_

  
  


Squall: (I knew it!)

  
  


Rinoa: "What?"

  
  


Seifer: "I'm not a little boy!"

  
  


Zell: "That isn't what it sounded like..."

  
  


Seifer: "That's it!" _*Rushes forward and starts punching Zell*_

  
  


Rinoa: "Hey, stop that!"

  
  


_*All rush and try to pull apart Seifer and Zell. Fades out*_

  
  


Selphie: _*singing*_ "Train, train, take us away. Take us away, far away. To the future, we will go. Where is leads, no one knows..."

  
  
  
  


**SCENE 5:**

  
  


Quistis: "Seifer, you have to stop getting into trouble, or you might be expelled."

  
  


Squall: (So she knows my fantasy...)

  
  


Seifer: "Zell turned out worse. Broken arm."

  
  


Rinoa: "That isn't nice Seifer. If I hadn't of had those cures stocked he might be inactive for weeks!"

  
  


Seifer: "Oh, what a pity that would be!"

  
  


Selphie: _*Entering*_ "Oh, tee-hee! Hi Sei..."

  
  


Seifer: "Fuck off."

  
  


Selphie: "What does that mean?"

  
  


Squall: "You mean Irvine hasn't..."

  
  


Quistis: "Squall!"

  
  


Squall: "Sorry. But he said he would...

  
  


Rinoa: "Is that all that matters to you?"

  
  


Squall: (Yes) "Of course not!"

  
  


Irvine: _*Entering*_ "Hey guys, and...the LADIES."

  
  


Rinoa: (Oh brother!)

  
  


Selphie: "Heeey!'

  
  


Quistis: "Hello Irvine."

  
  


Squall: "Guess what we learned about Seifer yesterday?"

  
  


Seifer: "Watch yourself man. That isn't what I meant and you know it!"

  
  


Squall: "You deserve this! Seifer said..."

  
  


Seifer: "WAIT!"

  
  


Squall: "That he wasn't a boy."

  
  


Irvine: _*Turning to smile at Seifer*_ "Really..."

  
  


Seifer: "Wait, that WASN'T what I meant..."

  
  


Irvine: _*Leaning closer to Seifer*_ "Really..."

  
  


Seifer: "Why are you looking at me like that? No...stop!"

  
  


Irvine: _*Pulling Seifer into a long kiss*_ "Really..."

  
  


Squall: (Ah, sweet revenge)

  
  


Selphie: "Irvine Kinea-poo, what are you doing?"

  
  


Seifer: _*Pushing Irvine away*_ "Get offa me!"

  
  


Irvine: _*Sitting down next to and putting his arm around Seifer*_ "So, was it good for you too?"

  
  


Squall: (Okay, now I'm getting scared...)

  
  


Rinoa: "Oh my..."

  
  


Seifer: _*Tries to remove Irvine's arm and fails*_ "Get off of me!!!"

  
  


Irvine: "Commere Selphie..."

  
  


Quistis: "Stop! I'm not letting this go any farther. It's starting to get disturbing."

  
  


Selphie: "I still don't get it."

  
  


Rinoa: "I envy you."

  
  


Selphie: "That's a big word."

  
  


Zell: _*Entering*_ "Hey y'all!"_ *Sees Irvine with arm around Seifer*_ "Ugh...did I miss something?"

  
  


Squall: "Something very interesting actually. Seifer has just been...ah...chastised."

  
  


Seifer: "You say one word chickenwuss, just one comment..."

  
  


Zell: "What happened Squall?"_ *Whispered conversation* _"Oh man, I missed THAT? bummer!"

  
  


Seifer: "Shut up! It isn't MY fault..."

  
  


Irvine: "Come on, you know you want it."

  
  


Selphie: "Want what?"

  
  


Irvine: "Come here and I'll 'explain'..."

  
  


Quistis: "Leave poor Selphie alone."

  
  


Irvine: "You want some yourself? Come and get some sugar..."

  
  


Zell: "Yo man, lay off it!"

  
  


Seifer: "Chickenwuss..."

  
  


Zell: "You wanna go?"

  
  


Irvine: "He's MINE damn it! Get your own whore."

  
  


Seifer: "WHAT?!?"

  
  


Squall: (I wonder if it's wrong to enjoy this so much...)

  
  


Quistis: "Hey Siefer, I've got a proposition for you..."

  
  


Seifer: "Sorry Trepe, I don't like working women."

  
  


Quistis: "No. I mean if you lay off Zell, I'll get Irvine away."

  
  


Seifer: "What? Stop picking on..." _*Irvine snuggles up*_ "...OKAY!"

  
  


Quistis: "Hey Irvine!"

  
  


Irvine: "Change your mine, sweet thing?"

  
  


Quistis: "No, but I know where Laguna is..."

  
  


Irvine: _*Leaping up* _"WHERE!?!"

  
  


Quistis: "He's at Dollet, trying to..."

  
  


_*Irvine is up and out the door!*_

  
  


Quistis: "Well okay then."

  
  


Seifer: "Fwew! What a relief!"

  
  


Selphie: "Where did my Irvine Kinea-poo go?"

  
  


Squall: "To Dollet. What is Laguna doing there anyway Quistis?"

  
  


Quistis: "I think he's trying to rebuild that robot. Remember that thing Squall?"

  
  


Squall: _*Shuddering_* "Yeah. What a monster."

  
  


Zell: "It sounds like this could get serious."

  
  


Rinoa: "We'd better go and stop them!"

  
  


Selphie: "Lets go!"

  
  


_*All exit*_

  
  
  
  


**SCENE 6:**

  
  


Selphie: "I just love trains, don't you?"

  
  


Squall: (Not really...)

  
  


Selphie: "Lets all sing the train song together in love and peace..."

  
  


ALL: "NO!"

  
  


Rinoa: "Um...it's okay Selphie."

  
  


Zell: "Yeah. We want to err...watch the scenery!"

  
  


Quistis: "Just think; you'll see Irvine again soon."

  
  


Selphie: 'My Irvine Kinea-poo!"

  
  


Squall: (Your Irvine, Laguna's Irvine...)

  
  


Rinoa: "Oh god..."

  
  


Zell: "Why don't you go lay down Selphie?"

  
  


Selphie: "Okay!" _*Goes to door*_ "Open door!" _*Opens door* _"Thank you door!"

  
  


_*SILENCE*_

  
  


Squall: (Oh my god...)

  
  


Zell: "The HELL?!?"

  
  


Rinoa: _*Exits, calling*_ "Oh Selphie, we're all so proud of you!"

  
  


Squall: (I'm sure I'm dreaming...)

  
  


Squall: "I'm going to go make sure she's...not on crack...or SOMETHING."

  
  


Seifer: "Yo wait up Squall! Chickenwuss might start acting like Irvine..."

  
  


Zell: "Hey!"

  
  


_*Squall and Seifer exit*_

  
  


Quistis: "So. I'm abandoned again."

  
  


Zell: "I'm still here."

  
  


Quistis: "But we've never been close or anything."

  
  


Zell: "That could change."

  
  


Quistis: "I know, but...everything, everyone...I just feel so worthless sometimes." 

  
  


Zell: "I never thought you were worthless."

  
  


Quistis: "Squall thinks so, and so does everybody else."

  
  


Zell: _*Putting arm around Quistis*_ "You're a wonderful person! Who cares what they think?"

  
  


Quistis: "Thanks."

  
  


Zell: "It's the truth."

  
  


Quistis: "I guess we never got a chance to really talk before..."

  
  


_*They stare into each other eyes for a moment then Zell lightly kisses her...as the door opens and everybody enters*_

  
  


Squall: (The brooding psychopath and the raging punk...like I really need this)

  
  


Rinoa: "Oh my! I'm so sorry, excuse me..."

  
  


Quistis: _*Rising quickly*_ "Oh, it's alright."

  
  


Seifer: "Chickenwuss getting some action?"

  
  


Selphie: "What?"

  
  


ANNOUNCER: "Train arriving at Dollet in 3 minutes. Gather your belongings and prepare to leave."

  
  


Zell: (Thank God...)

  
  
  
  


**SCENE 7:**

  
  


_*All exit train into town square*_

  
  


Squall: "Here we are. I remember that dumb fountain."

  
  


Quistis: "I remember seeing a map of this place a while ago too."

  
  


Seifer: "Yeah, and that stupid..."

  
  


_*Dog enters, barking*_

  
  


Seifer: "...dog."

  
  


Zell: "Damn!"

  
  


Seifer: "Shut it chickenwuss. Scram, you stupid mutt!"

  
  


Rinoa: "Don't hurt it Seifer! It reminds me of Angelo..."

  
  


Selphie: "Here doggy-doggy! Here dogg-no no, don't sniff there."

  
  


Quistis: "Oh my!"

  
  


Squall; "Lets just go down to the beach now. That's where the robot got wrecked."

  
  


Zell: "Yeah, I remember that."

  
  


Selphie: "Come ON! Let's go!"

  
  


_*All walk to beach. Laguna is working on a half-assembled robot. Irvine is leaning over him suggestively*_

  
  


Zell: "Hey y'all. Wuzzup?"

  
  


Irvine: "Aww man, I was just about to make my move!"

  
  


Laguna: "WHAT?!?"

  
  


Selphie: "What move?"

  
  


Rinoa: "It's okay Laguna. Look Irvine, it's Selphie..."

  
  


Irvine: "SELPHIE! My little whore!"

  
  


Selphie: "What? Oh, um...my Irvine Kinea-poo!"

  
  


Seifer: (Must remain inconspicuous...)

  
  


Squall: _*whispering*_ "Run Seifer. You too Laguna. We'll cover you!"

  
  


_*Seifer and Laguna exit to large camping site, running*_

  
  


Squall: "We're going to, um...go make dinner!"

  
  


_*All but Selphie and Irvine exit to large camping site. Zell exits to large rock overlooking the sea.*_

  
  


Selphie: "Are they okay?"

  
  


Irvine: "We'll be even better...commere!"

  
  


Selphie: "Why?"

  
  


Irvine: "I'll show you what you've been asking about."

  
  


Selphie: "You mean where trains come from?"

  
  


Irvine: "Ummm...yes, where 'trains' come from."

  
  


Selphie: "Okies!"

  
  


Irvine: "Just pull down the top of your dress a little..."

  
  


Selphie: "Why?"

  
  


Irvine: "Bra too. I just need to check to see if you have...ah...cancer. Yeah, cancer!"

  
  


Selphie: _*Pull down dress* "_Okay. Cancer is bad for you."

  
  


Irvine: "Yes, we don't want that do we..."

  
  


Selphie: "Why are you squeezing?"

  
  


_*Quistis enters from large camping site*_

  
  


Quistis: "Holy god!"

  
  


Irvine: "Come to join the fun?"

  
  


Quistis: "Selphie, cover yourself!"

  
  


Selphie: "Why? I don't want to have cancer..."

  
  


Quistis: "Gees! Irvine, you're sick. Come on Selphie. Go find Rinoa and stay with her."

  
  


Irvine: "Yo, I'm not done with her yet..."

  
  


Quistis: "Shut up! I'm going to see Zell."

  
  


_*Selphie exits to large camping site*_

  
  


_*Quistis exits to rock over looking the sea*_

  
  


Irvine: "Damn it..."

  
  


_*Scene fades to rock overlooking the sea. Zell is already there, seated, watching the sunset.*_

  
  


_*Quistis enters from beach*_

  
  


Quistis: "Hi Zell."

  
  


Zell: _*Turning head*_ "Oh, hi Quistis! Have a seat." _*Taps rock next to him*_

  
  


Quistis: "Thank you."

  
  


Zell: "Is something wrong?"

  
  


Quistis: _*Shaking head*_ "It's just Irvine...you wouldn't believe what he did to Selphie!"

  
  


Zell: "What did he do?"

  
  


Quistis: "He felt her up pretending to be checking for cancer..."

  
  


Zell: (Hmmm...good idea!)

  
  


Quistis: "Knowing that only poor Selphie would fall for it."

  
  


Zell: (Damn it.) "That's awful that he would do something like that to Selphie."

  
  


Quistis: "Men can be so inconsiderate."

  
  


Zell: "Am I?"

  
  


Quistis: "No...you're one of the nicest guys I know actually."

  
  


Zell: (Scoring points...yes!) "Thanks."

  
  


Quistis: "It's a relief after those three..."

  
  


Zell: "Which three?"

  
  


Quistis: (Well, Laguna doesn't count as a guy) "Squall, Irvine, and Seifer."

  
  


Zell: "Ah. Not all guys are like that. You'll find somebody for you. Maybe you already have." _*Smiles at Quistis*_

  
  


Quistis: "Yeah, maybe..." _*Turns to the sunset* _"Isn't it beautiful?"

  
  


Zell: _*Turns back to sunset* _"Yeah."

  
  


Quistis: _*Moves closer to Zell and puts her head on his shoulder*_ "Nature is so lovely..."

  
  


Zell: _*Puts arm around Quistis*_ (Not as nice as you...not even close)

  
  


_*Zell leans over to gently kiss Quistis's forehead. She snuggles in closer and they watch the sunset together.*_

  
  


_*Scene fades out and into the large camping site*_

  
  


Squall: "Dinner is almost ready!"

  
  


Rinoa: "I can't believe you never cooked before this!"

  
  


Squall: "It never was an issue."

  
  


Seifer: "And now we all know what Squall looks like in an apron..."

  
  


Squall: "Shut up!"

  
  


Rinoa: "Or we'll let Irvine keep you quiet."

  
  


_*Seifer goes pale and glances nervously at Irvine*_

  
  


Laguna: "Here, let me get that out of the oven. Keep slicing the onions Squall."

  
  


_*As Laguna leans over to open the oven door and remove the roast, Irvine casually reaches out and his hand brushes Laguna's butt. Laguna leaps straight up the air*_

  
  


Laguna: "WHAT THE!?!?"

  
  


Irvine: "Wasn't me." _*winks at Laguna*_

  
  


Laguna: "You get the roast Squall."

  
  


Rinoa: "Who's going to chop the onions?"

  
  


Selphie: "I will!"

  
  


Seifer: "I wouldn't give her anything sharp if I were you."

  
  


Selphie: "Why not?"

  
  


Squall: "Because nobody can be that happy without something wrong with them..."

  
  


Rinoa: "Squall!"

  
  


Squall: "Sorry, but it's the truth."

  
  


Laguna: "You've got to admit that."

  
  


_*Dinner commences and is serves. Zell and Quistis emerge later from the rock, after the sun has completely gone down. They all sit around a fire for awhile before all going to sleep*_

  
  
  
  


**SCENE 8:**

  
  


_*All wake up. Irvine has his arm around Selphie and Laguna is gone. Seifer is sucking his thumb*_

  
  


Zell: _*snickering*_ "Perfect! Blackmail. No more chickenwuss..."

  
  


Quistis: "Don't sink to his level Zell."

  
  


Rinoa: "Yeah, you should know better!"

  
  


Zell: "Sorry."

  
  


Squall: _*winking*_ "Leave the blackmail to me!"

  
  


_*Selphie and Irvine wake up*_

  
  


Irvine: "Ah...waking up next to my Selphie...nothing beats it. Hey, where's Laguna?"

  
  


Zell: "I don' t know. We should probably go find him and, ya know, make sure he isn't getting himself into too much trouble."

  
  


Quistis: "He's probably at the beach again."

  
  


Selphie: "Irvine Kinea-poo, I think your hand might be in the wrong place."

  
  


Rinoa: "Yeah, you're right Quistis."

  
  


Squall: "Lets go."

  
  


Zell: "What about Seifer?"

  
  


Irvine: _*Leaning over and tickling Seifer's nose*_ "Wake up..."

  
  


Seifer: "What the..." _*Wakes up to Irvine's face*_ "AHHHHHHH! Get it away!"

  
  


Zell: (Hehe...)

  
  


Rinoa: "Get up Seifer. We're going to see if we can talk some sense into Laguna."

  
  


Seifer: "Will Edea be there?"

  
  


Quistis: "She might be."

  
  


Seifer: "YEAH! Lets go!"

  
  


_*All exit to beach*_

  
  


_*Scene fades to beach. Laguna is working on a robot that is fully assembled but for two legs and one pincer. Elone is seated and watching, and Kiros and Ward are present and helping.*_

  
  


_*All enter*_

  
  


Seifer: "Look! It's the girl that led Squall into puberty!"

  
  


Rinoa: "WHAT?!"

  
  


Squall: "Shut up Seifer!"

  
  


Rinoa: "You mean you..."

  
  


Squall: "Of course not!"

  
  


Irvine: "Why not? She's pretty enough."

  
  


Elone: "Who are you? Uncle Laguna, do you know them?"

  
  


Irvine: "I'm Irvine, my dear, dear girl..." _*Kisses her hand and then doesn't let go*_

  
  


Elone: "Eek!" _*Slaps Irvine across face*_

  
  


Irvine: _*Letting go*_ "Ah, so she likes it rough..."

  
  


Laguna: "You stay away from her!"

  
  


Irvine: "She ain't yours!"

  
  


Kiros: "She's mine!"

  
  


Elone: "Help me, my little Kiri!"

  
  


Squall: (Kiri? Heh...)

  
  


Kiros: "PLEASE don't call me that in public...leave her alone!"

  
  


Irvine: "Oh fine. Her uncle's hotter anyway."

  
  


Elone: "What?...HEY!"

  
  


Laguna: "Um...no I'm not..." _*Edging away*_

  
  


Irvine: "Don't be shy baby..."

  
  


_*Edea materializes*_

  
  


Edea: "What is going on here? Why have you stopped working?"

  
  


Seifer: (YES!) "Hey babe."

  
  


Edea: "Hello little boy. Would you like a lollipop?"

  
  


Seifer: (Depends on what you mean by that...I'd sure like some sugar from you)

  
  


Laguna: "Just go guys. Stop interfering...she's in one of her 'moods'..."

  
  


Edea: "It's called PMS, and it's nothing to be ashamed of damn it!"

  
  


_*Fade to battle*_

  
  
  
  


**SCENE 9:**

  
  


Squall: "Is this really necessary?"

  
  


Edea: "You must be taught a lesson, all of you!"

  
  


Laguna: "Ummm...yeah!"

  
  


Edea: "Here we go...blizzard!"

  
  


*_Blizzard on Squall*_

  
  


Squall: (Ouchies)

  
  


Rinoa: "Squall!"

  
  


Squall: "I'm fine."

  
  


Selphie: "Carbuncle!"

  
  


_*Selphie starts to summon Carbuncle*_

  
  


Zell: "Fire!"

  
  


_*Fire on Ward*_

  
  


Laguna: "Stay strong Ward!"

  
  


Edea: "Wind!"

  
  


_*Wind on Quistis*_

  
  


Quistis: "Blizzard!"

  
  


_*Blizzard on Laguna*_

  
  


Selphie: "Carbuncle, GO!"

  
  


_*Carbuncle attacks Edea*_

  
  


Edea: "Eek! Get it off of me! That's it; FIRE!"

  
  


_*Fire on Rinoa*_

  
  


Rinoa: (Burns a little)

  
  


Irvine: "Yo! That is just SO not cool. Wind!"

  
  


_*Wind on Kiros*_

  
  


Elone: "My little Kiri!"

  
  


Kiros: "ELONE!"

  
  


Rinoa: "Shiva!"

  
  


Squall: "Blizzard!"

  
  


_*Blizzard on Edea*_

  
  


Squall: (I am the MAN!)

  
  


Ward: "Ugh, uh...blizzard."

  
  


_*Blizzard on Zell_*

  
  


Quistis: "Zell! Are you okay?"

  
  


Zell: "Just slightly chilled."

  
  


Rinoa: "Now, SHIVA!"

  
  


_*Shiva appears*_

  
  


Irvine: "Holy shit but she's a hottie!"

  
  


_*Shiva attacks Edea*_

  
  


Irvine: "No, don't leave me pretty one!"

Edea: "You're annoying me. Sleep!"

  
  


_*Sleep on Irvine. He crumples to the ground.*_

  
  


Laguna: "Get him on the ship Elone; and quickly!"

  
  


Selphie: "My Irvine Kinea-poo!"

  
  


Rinoa: "Seifer, DO something!"

  
  


Laguna: "Fira!"

  
  


_*Fira on Quistis. She falls*_

  
  


Seifer: "I will not fight Edea...my queen."

  
  


Edea: "Shut up little boy. Sleep!"

  
  


_*Sleep on Seifer. Elone reemerges and carries him to ship*_

  
  


Zell: "Quistis! Hang in there!"

  
  


Laguna: "I don't think so."

  
  


_*Laguna shots at Quistis, hitting her stomach three times and her left shoulder twice. Bleeding heavily, she faints*_

  
  


Zell: "NO! Damn you!"

  
  


Laguna: "What do you care?"

  
  


Zell: "Ifrit! NOW!"

  
  


_*Ifrit is almost instantly summoned*_

  
  


Zell: "Ifrit! Get Edea...now!"

  
  


Edea: "Wait!"

  
  


_*Ifrit lunges at Edea*_

  
  


Laguna: "Edea!"

  
  


Edea: "Retreat! But first...WIND!"

  
  


_*Wind lifts Selphie*_

  
  


Edea: "We're taking her too!"

  
  


Squall: (Please do). "Put her down!"

  
  


Selphie: "Look at me; I'm flying! Wheeeeee!"

  
  


_*Selphie and other enemies enter spaceship. Scene fades back to beach*_

  
  


Zell: "Quistis..."

  
  
  
  


**SCENE 10:**

  
  


_*Large camping site. Quistis is layed out near the fire pit, heavily bandaged and unconscious. Zell is crouching next to her. Others are standing with concerned and worries expressions*_

  
  


Rinoa: _*To Squall* _"Will he be okay?"

  
  


Squall: "I don't know. I remember when you were in a coma I...never mind. He seems pretty shaken up."

  
  


Rinoa: "They're getting away though...with Selphie, Irvine, and Seifer. How can we find them if we don't leave very soon, if not NOW?"

  
  


Squall: "I don't think Seifer counts. First we find out he isn't a boy, and now he's with Edea again. We can't trust him!"

  
  


Rinoa: "We still need to get him back."

  
  


Zell: "Then go."

Squall: "Sorry. We didn't realize you were listening."

  
  


Zell: "I understand that you need to find them. I just don't know how you're going to do it. And we don't even know where they are going. You could wind up lost, that is if you could get out of here at all."

  
  


Rinoa: "We can look around...their first ship was behind those rocks. Maybe they left a clue to where they were going."

  
  


Squall: "But how are we going to GET where they are going?"

  
  


Rinoa: "We'll worry about that once we know the destination. Come on."

  
  


Squall: "Okay. Are you going to be alright Zell?"

  
  


Zell: "Yeah. I'll stay with her. Go ahead."

  
  


_*Rinoa and Squall exit to beach*_

  
  


_*Zell turns back to Quistis*_

  
  


Zell: _*Sighing*_ "Quistis..."

  
  


Zell: "I'm so sorry Quistis. I should have gotten Ifrit sooner, I should have stopped him...somehow..."

  
  


_*Zell puts his head in his hands*_

  
  


Zell: "Why are you hurt? I want to hear you speak again, I want you to be alright. I want to know that you are going to be okay."

  
  


Zell: "I'm sorry, god I'm so sorry...I love you Quistis. I wish you could hear me. I wish you knew that..."

  
  


_*Zell sighs*_

  
  


Zell: "I guess..."

  
  


_*Rinoa and Squall enter from town*_

  
  


Squall: (He's gone mad...wait a second, I did that too! Damn it.)

  
  


Rinoa: (Poor guy)

  
  


Zell: _*Looking up*_ "Any news?"

  
  


Squall: "Yes, actually. We found a way out of here."

  
  


Zell: "And what would that be?"

  
  


Rinoa: "Apparently there were two spaceships after all. Ward was supposed to get the other one off of the planet, but he fell asleep outside. We bribed him with a cookie to tell us where Laguna, Edea, and all the others went..."

  
  


Squall: "You're never going to guess where."

  
  


Zell: "Where?"

  
  


Rinoa: "The moon."

  
  


Zell: "The moon?"

  
  


Squall: "That was my reaction."

  
  


Rinoa: "Anyway, Ward got himself drunk in town and he'll be asleep for awhile. We're ready to go."

  
  


Zell: "What about Quistis?"

  
  


Rinoa: "Zell...this is urgent. We can't move her; it would kill her. If that doesn't happen anyway. We all have to..."

  
  


Zell: "She'll pull through. She WILL!"

  
  


Rinoa: "Zell, you know the chances aren't very good. She's lost a lot of blood."

  
  


Squall: "Just don't get your hopes up too high..."

  
  


Zell: "Stop talking like that!"

  
  


Rinoa: "Zell, there isn't another ship..."

  
  


Zell: "There's a small shuttle in town. It can only hold two people, and no supplies, which is why I didn't suggest it before now. You couldn't use it, but...we could use it to catch up."

  
  


Rinoa: "Zell...how are you going to find us?"

  
  


Zell: "I've got a tracking device with me. Here, plant it on your ship. I can track you when we leave here."

  
  


Rinoa: "We?"

  
  


Zell: "Yes, we."

  
  


Squall: "Zell, listen..."

  
  


Zell: "No, you listen! I'm staying here; I won't leave her, ever. Either both of us see you again...or none."

  
  


Rinoa: "Okay Zell. We'll see you...both of you...soon."

  
  


Squall: (I hope so)

  
  


_*Squall and Rinoa exit to ship*_

  
  
  
  


**SCENE 11:**

  
  


_*The scene is inside of Edea and Laguna's spaceship. Irvine and Selphie are in the large cargo bay. Edea, Elone, and Kiros are in the control room. Elone and Kiros are cuddling in a corner*_

  
  


Edea: _*Looking over at Elone and Kiros in distaste*_ "Do you have to do that in public?"

  
  


Elone: "It's perfectly healthy for a couple to show affection in public. It said so in that CAP help book I read when Uncle Laguna did some strange things. It just isn't healthy to go all the way in public."

  
  


Kiros: (Damn!) "That's right."

  
  


Edea: "Well just cut it out or I'll turn him into a dog or something." 

  
  


Elone: (That turns me on)

  
  


Kiros: (I wonder what she's thinking...)

  
  


Elone: "You should really get a romance interest yourself Edea. That Seifer boy seems very nice..."

  
  


_*Seifer enters*_

  
  


Seifer: "Somebody said my name?"

  
  


Edea: (Him doing that is getting annoying) "She did. Not me. Go away."

  
  


Seifer: "But I am here to serve you, my queen. Your knight is here for any 'service' you may require..."

  
  


Kiros: (Hehe...'service'...)

  
  


Elone: (What a vulgar lad)

  
  


Edea: "Go find Laguna. I need to talk to him. See what he's up to."

  
  


Elone: "I'll go! Kiros, you come too. We'll just leave you two alone..."

  
  


Edea: (Note to self; kill her) "Stay here Kiros. Seifer, go sit next to him, and don't come near me."

  
  


Seifer: (She's coming around)

  
  


_*Elone exits*_

  
  


_*Scene fades to long hallway*_

  
  


_*As Elone walks down toward the door to the cargo bay, she hears some odd moans and groans through the door. She puts her ear against the door and listens...*_

  
  


(Irvine): "Come on Selphie, just come over here for a minute..."

  
  


(Selphie): "Why?"

  
  


(Irvine): "Because I'm going to fuck you!"

  
  


(Selphie): "That's a big word...okay!"

  
  


(Laguna): "You're really going to do that to her?"

  
  


(Irvine): "You're right. I'll have to show her on you first"

  
  


_*Elone gasps and listens closer*_

  
  


(Laguna): "No no, that really isn't...hey, go easy there!"

  
  


(Irvine): "Don't make this harder than it is...hold still damn it!"

  
  


(Selphie): "What are you doing back there Irvine Kinea-poo?"

  
  


_*As Elone leans closer against the door to listen, the unbarred door swings open and she stumbles into the room...and into a very disturbing scene. Having not recognized the voices, she greets the one familiar person...*_

  
  


Elone: "Hi Uncle Lagu-what the hell are you doing!"

  
  


Laguna: "Oh just take a wild guess."

  
  
  
  


Irvine: "Come to join the party? Wait over there...do something with Selphie if you want...until I'm done with him."

  
  


Elone: "Uncle Laguna..."

  
  


Laguna: "Yo man, easy! What Elone?"

  
  


Elone: "Could you just leave him alone for a minute Irvine?"

  
  


Irvine: "Ohh yeah...what? Oh, um...no."

  
  


Selphie: _*humming*_ "Train, train..."

  
  


Elone: "Stop fucking him please!"

  
  


Selphie: _*giggles* _"Tee-hee! Elone said fuck!"

  
  


Elone: (Oh brother) "Oh gees...just...come to the control room when you're 'finished', okay?"

  
  


_*Elone starts to exit*_

  
  


Irvine: "Hey wait up babe! I'll have some sugar left for you..."

  
  


_*Elone exits*_

  
  
  
  


**SCENE 12:**

  
  


_*Zell is crouching next to Quistis, who is still unconscious. It is nearing dusk and she is wrapped in a blanket. The fire has long died and Zell is swaying slightly, tired from lack of sleep. Quistis's fever has gone down but she doesn't wake up*_

  
  


Zell: "Quistis...god Quistis, please..."

  
  


_*Zell tucks the blanket more firmly around Quistis, tenderly*_

  
  


Zell: "Please Quistis. You can fight this. You're going to be okay..."

  
  


_*Zell looks out over the sea. The sun will be setting soon and it is reflected in the lapping waves of the ocean. He gives a mighty sigh*_

  
  


Zell: "We'll be watching the sunset together again soon Quistis. One way or another..."

  
  


_*Zell sighs again and looks down at the ground. He scuffles a foot in the loose dirt. He looks back to Quistis*_

  
  


Zell: "Come on Quistis. You've got to wake up. You...it's been three days. You need to eat, you need to drink. Please Quistis...please come back to me. Please Quistis, for me? I'm so sorry...I need you to wake up. Why...oh god why is this happening to me?" 

  
  


_*Zell returns to looking at the ground between his feet. He draws a random design in the dirt with his finger, then rubs his fist into it to erase it. His eyes flick to Quistis and another sigh comes from him. A lone tear falls down his cheek, rolling off of his tattoo to make a tiny dark dot in the dirt below*_

  
  


Zell: "Quistis...please come back to me. I need you...please...."

  
  


_*Quistis stirs suddenly, twitching a shoulder and inhaling deeply*_

  
  


_*Zell is instantly bending over her, watching her carefully*_

  
  


Zell: "Quistis! Quistis, please...wake up!"

  
  


_*Quistis turns slightly, and her whole body gives a little jerk. Her eyes flutter momentarily and open...*_

  
  


Quistis: "Zell?"

  
  


Zell: "Quistis! Oh Quistis, you're alright...everything is going to be alright now...you're back with me. Please, please don't leave me again..."

  
  


Quistis: _*Smiling weakly at Zell*_ "Never."

  
  


Zell: _*Beaming back at her*_ "Stay there, don't get up. I'm just so happy you're awake again. I didn't know if you ever would wake up...I was terrified. Here, just let me get you something to eat...you've been unconscious for so long, you need something to drink too."

  
  


Quistis: "Where is everybody?"

  
  


Zell: "They left to follow Laguna and Edea. They have Seifer, Irvine, and Selphie."

  
  


Quistis: "So Squall and Rinoa went after them...and you stayed with me?"

  
  


Zell: "I wouldn't leave you here...ever. I couldn't stand to."

  
  


Quistis: "How long was I sick for?"

  
  


Zell: "Three long days and nights...I was terrified that you wouldn't wake up."

  
  


Quistis: "I did. I needed to see you again."

  
  


Zell: _*Smiles down at her and then leans to kiss her on the forehead* _"It's all going to be okay now...you're going to be okay. Stay there, just let me get you some food. Lie still."

  
  


Quistis: "Alright."

  
  


_*Zell moves quickly over to the remaining pack to find some basic supplies; bread and fruit. He also takes out the water canteen and moves back to Quistis. He holds the water to let her drink; she is too weak to do so on her own. She eats very little but looks better when she is finished; she drifts back to sleep again. Zell stays by her side through the entire night*_

  
  


_*In the morning Quistis is more rested. Zell explains the plan and their part in it. Quistis is well enough to understand. By lunch she is strong enough to at least hold the canteen and food on her own. The sun is now setting.*_

  
  


_*Quistis drifts off to sleep. Zell makes sure she is settled and watches her, guarding, for about two hours, before finally falling asleep for the first time in days*_

  
  


_*Another whole day passes, with Quistis able to get up and move around by evening. The next day she is much better and stronger, only feeling faint occasionally. It is dusk again. Quistis is lounging on the piles of blankets, and Zell is sitting facing her*_

  
  


Quistis: "I can't believe to stayed with me all this time..."

  
  


Zell: "I would never leave you. I never will."

  
  


Quistis: "I just want to thank you...so much. I never felt so happy...in such a long time. Just thank you. For everything."

  
  


Zell: "Hey, it's alright. Like I said on the train, or at least tried to say; I've always liked you. But you were the only person that could ever make me even remotely shy."

  
  


Quistis: _*Laughing softly* _"Really? You were always to polite and impersonal...I never thought for a minute that you liked me."

  
  


Zell: _*Shrugging* _"I was so sure that you were in love with Squall."

  
  


Quistis: "I thought I was...for the longest time. But even imagining myself with him at last...I was never as happy even in my dreams as I am now. As I have been with you."

  
  


Zell: "Same here. I'm really glad I finally found you."

  
  


Quistis: "Yeah..."

  
  
  
  
  
  


___*Zell turns to looks at Quistis just as she turns to look at him. Their eyes meet and both smile. Zell finally moves forward and kisses her gently. When he pulls away he keeps her head close and just gazes into her eyes*_

  
  


Zell: "Quistis...I love you."

  
  


Quistis: "I know. I love you too Zell."

  
  
  
  
  
  


**SCENE 13:**

  
  


_*The scene is inside the second spaceship that Rinoa and Squall took to leave the planet. They are navigating, and the other ship is not visible but it's destination is known*_

  
  


Squall: "I wonder if we're going to see Quistis again."

  
  


Rinoa: "I wonder if we're going to see ZELL again...I hope he's okay."

  
  


Squall: "If Quistis doesn't pull through..."

  
  


Rinoa: "Then we hope that he comes to his senses and makes it here."

  
  


Squall: "I don't think he would. I wouldn't if I was in his position."

  
  


Rinoa: "In his position with who?"

  
  


Squall: "Oh...um..." _*Blushes*_ "You."

  
  


Rinoa: "Oh. You...you love me that much?"

  
  


Squall: "Of course I do!"

  
  


Rinoa: "But you're so..." (Mean, self-centered, cold, aloof, selfish) "...solitary."

  
  


Squall: "I'm changing. I may not like it, but I am."

  
  


Rinoa: "I'll think you're great whatever way you turn out."

  
  


Squall: "Thanks."

  
  


Rinoa: "Sure thing...it's really nice of you to be so concerned about Zell."

  
  


Squall: "I know what he's going through." _*Smiles at Rinoa*_

  
  


Rinoa: _*Blushing*_ "Yeah..."

  
  


_*Something on the radar panel bleeps loudly and flashes red. Rinoa rushes over*_

  
  


Rinoa: "Something's on the radar...it's moving toward us."

  
  


Squall: "What is it?"

  
  


Rinoa: "I don't know."

  
  


Squall: "Look at the shape...do you think it could be Zell? It's coming from that direction."

  
  


Rinoa: "It could be...I think it is. Yes, I have a clear reading now. It's a small shuttle. Lets go, quickly. Open the airlatch; let them in!"

  
  


_*Squall quickly flips some switches and then both run down a maze of halls and corridors throughout the spacecraft before arriving in a large hollow room where a shuttle has just landed*_

  
  


Squall: "Hello in there? Identify yourselves!"

  
  


_*Zell and Quistis emerge from the door of the shuttle. Zell has his arm around Quistis's shoulder and she looks much, much healthier*_

  
  


_*Rinoa gasps and runs over to Zell and Quistis, laughing in happyness. She throws her arms around both of them and gives each a huge hug. Squall wrinkles his nose but shakes hands with each*_

  
  


Rinoa: "Oh, we're so glad you're okay...both of you!"

  
  


Squall: "Yeah."

  
  


Zell: "Still rather unperky, aren't we Squall? No matter. Quistis is okay, and that's all that matters. And the fact that we're here to help you guys. Are we near to the moon yet?"

  
  


Rinoa: "Not really NEAR...we should be there in maybe...three or four hours."

  
  


Squall: "So we just have to kill time for a while."

  
  


Rinoa: "What about telling us what happened with Quistis, Zell? We didn't think she would be up and about this soon."

  
  


_*Zell blushes and shuffles his feet. Quistis hides a chuckle*_

  
  


Zell: "Um...she woke up and was fine after a few days."

  
  


_*Squall eyes Zell in suspicion but says nothing. Rinoa just looks confused*_

  
  


Rinoa: "And that was it?"

  
  


Squall: (I bet it wasn't...)

  
  


Zell: "Well, she woke up two days after you guys left. She was ready to leave three days after that."

  
  


Rinoa: "A quick recovery then."

  
  


Quistis: "I'm glad for it too. I needed to be in the action again."

  
  


Rinoa: "It must have been boring back down there."

  
  


Zell: (Not exactly boring...)

  
  


Squall: (I bet it wasn't boring...)

  
  


Quistis: "Why don't you tell us the entire plan Rinoa?"

  
  


Rinoa: "Well...umm...we don't have one EXACTLY. What we planned on was that we would rally support from Irvine and Selphie, and MAYBE Seifer, and then just another battle and everything would be okay again..."

  
  


Zell: "That's kind of naive thinking. They must have some master plan up there. The robot they were assembling up there, and considering the technology that Laguna has access to, it's probably much, MUCH more advanced. And who knows what else they've got up there? We'd better be ready for just about anything."

  
  


Squall: "Zell's right" (Though I HATE to admit it...)

  
  


Quistis: "Okay. Everybody check their Guardian Forces, make sure their healthy and everything, and trained enough to go up against anything. Sharpen weapons, make sure everything is in order. Then SLEEP. We need to be well rested. Just don't get too comfortable. We don't need anybody to be groggy in a major battle."

  
  


Rinoa: "Good plan. Let's go."

  
  


_*Guardian Forces are summoned, gunblades are sharpened, whips are cracked, Zell practices punching, and Rinoa practices her aim. Supplies are checked and weapons are stored close at hand as all retire to the dorm for some well-deserved sleep, as they drift ever closer to their destination...*_

  
  
  
  


**SCENE 14:**

  
  


_*Edea's spaceship has landed. The large colonial base on the moon is huge; a single building is the size of an entire town. They are in the main control room. Edea and Laguna are talking together. Kiros, Elone, and Seifer are standing guard on Selphie and Irvine, who are tied up*_

  
  


Irvine: "Ooooooo yeah, I'm looking forward to what they have in store for us!"

  
  


Selphie: "Why?"

  
  


Irvine: "Bondage..."

  
  


Seifer: "Silence!"

  
  


Irvine: "Stop trying to act all official. Wasn't it you a few days ago that you had your tongue down my throat..."

  
  


Seifer: "Other way around actually, and I've been trying to forget it."

  
  


Irvine: "Why?"

  
  


Seifer: _*Nervously glancing at Edea_* "Cause I'm not into guys."

  
  


Edea: (Sure you aren't)

  
  


Selphie: "I don't understand."

  
  


Elone: "There is something very, very wrong with you. All of you."

  
  


_*Scene and attention shifts to Laguna and Edea*_

  
  


Laguna: "So after the robot is completely updated..."

  
  


Edea: "When will your workers be finished?"

  
  


Laguna: "The robot is fully assembled. The pincers are being sharpened and made harder, and the armor, guns, radar, lasers, and tracking systems are being upgraded drastically. They should be finished by tomorrow."

  
  


Edea: "That will have to do I suppose."

  
  


Laguna: "They're making excellent time."

  
  


_*Laguna precedes away from main panel and toward the door*_

  
  


Irvine: "Hey girly-man! Are you the one who wanted us tied up like this? Come on over, I've been waiting long enough!"

  
  


Laguna: (Note to self: get a haircut.)

  
  


_*Laguna exits*_

  
  


_*Scene fades to landing bay. Squall's spaceship is landing close to the main building.*_

  
  


_*All exit the spaceship*_

  
  


Rinoa: "There is it! Come on."

  
  


_*All rush inside*_

  
  


Rinoa: _*Calling Angelo*_ "Okay! Angelo will help me and Squall find Irvine and Selphie. Zell and Quistis, you two go lock up that robot; secure the area where it is being worked on and wait for us to come find you guys so we can capture and disassemble it."

  
  


_*Zell and Quistis separate from Squall and Rinoa*_

  
  


_*Scene follows Rinoa, Squall, and Angelo, who is leading*_

  
  


Rinoa: "Where are they boy? Lead us right to them!"

  
  


Squall: (Stupid mutt...)

  
  


_*They run down the long hallway for quite a while, until finally they reach an enormous door. They open it into the main control room.*_

  
  


_*They burst in the door, finding everyone. A well placed shot from Rinoa's...um...shooty thingy severs the ropes tying up Selphie and Irvine.*_

  
  


Rinoa: Alright...time to FIGHT!

  
  
  
  


**SCENE 15:**

  
  


Edea: Impertinent brats, aren't you?

  
  


Irvine: Yep.

  
  


Rinoa: Irvine! Selphie! Over here...quick!

  
  


_*Irvine and Selphie move to back up Rinoa and Squall_*

  
  


Rinoa: Seifer!

  
  


Seifer: Rinoa...

  
  


Rinoa: Seifer, please! Help us!

  
  


Kiros: Shut up! Fire!

  
  


_*Fire on Rinoa*_

  
  


Seifer: Rinoa! 

  
  


Rinoa: Seifer...please...

  
  


Squall: Don't bother with him! He's all bad. Blizzara!

  
  


_*Blizzara on Laguna*_

  
  


Selphie: Remember love and peace Squall!

  
  


Irvine: Oh just shut up!

  
  


Kiros: Where IS Ward?!?

  
  


Edea: Firaga!!!!!!!!

_*Firaga on Rinoa*_

  
  


Rinoa: ohhhhh...ugh...

  
  


Seifer: RINOA!!!!!!!! Edea, please, stop it. Don't hurt her. Please don't...

  
  


Squall: Rinoa! Hang in there, please. Don't leave me again!

  
  


Edea: Why shouldn't I, 'knight'?

  
  


Seifer: Rinoa...don't kill her. And Squall is mine.

  
  


Squall: Still psychotic I see. Aero!

  
  


_*Aero on Seifer*_

  
  


Edea: I'll kill who I please! BLIZZARA!

  
  


_*Blue mist starts swirling around Rinoa*_

  
  


Squall: NO!!!!!

  
  


_*Squall shoves Rinoa aside and takes the full attack. He stumbles*_

  
  


Rinoa: Squall!

  
  


Irvine: Fire!

  
  


_*Fire on Edea*_

  
  


Irvine: Come on Selphie, distract them!

  
  


Selphie: Aero!

  
  


___*Aero on Laguna*_

  
  


Laguna: I'll finish that black haired one! FIRE!

  
  


Squall: OH NO YOU DON'T!

  
  


_*Squall rushes forward, gunblade held down. He skids to a stop and slashes upward, like when he scarred Seifer. His slash hits Laguna's chin, and slashes literally his entire face open, splitting bone*_

  
  


_*Laguna topples forward, lifeless*_

  
  


Elone: NO!

  
  


Squall: Elone...I'm sorry I had to do that. Believe me, I'm sorry...Rinoa...are you okay?

  
  


Rinoa: I'm fine. He's...he's...

  
  


Seifer: Dead! Thanks to Squall. Think of that Rinoa!

  
  


Edea: Laguna...damn it.

  
  


Selphie: Irvy, what's wrong with Laguna? What's that red stuff?

  
  


Irvine: Just ketchup...he's just sleeping. Maybe we'd better go...

  
  


Edea: Not so fast. Aero!

  
  


_*Aero on both Irvine and Selphie*_

  
  


Squall: Edea...stop it. It's gone too far. What is all this about anyway?

  
  


Edea: World domination. DUH!

  
  


Rinoa: And now somebody's dead because of it.

  
  


Edea: Who cares about that she-man?

  
  


Irvine: I did...

  
  


Squall: Keep your mouth shut Irvine.

  
  


Irvine: I'm not much into giving oral anyway.

  
  


Selphie: What does that mean?

  
  


Irvine: I'll show you later...

  
  


Rinoa: Edea...why do you want to take over the world? It's not the best place..

  
  


Edea: True...

  
  


Rinoa: You see?

  
  


Edea: But it's fun...

  
  


Seifer: And I'm her knight!

  
  


Squall: Wait a minute...it's been almost a week now right?

  
  


Rinoa: So?

  
  


Squall: She mentioned PMS before...could it maybe just be that time of the month?

  
  


Irvine: Yeah, girls can be bitchy when they have their periods.

  
  


Selphie: What's a period?

  
  


Edea: Um...I'll be right back _*rushes to bathroom*_

  
  


_*All wait*_

  
  


_*And wait...*_

  
  


_*And wait...*_

  
  


_*Edea enters*_

  
  


Edea: _*blushing* _Ahem...I remember now what the reason for taking over the worlds was...cramps. Well, they're gone now...I guess I have no real reason.

  
  


_*ALL CHEER*_

  
  


Selphie: Does that mean we won?

  
  


_*FADES OUT*_

  
  
  
  


**EPILOGUE_:_****__**__

  
  


Squall: My shoulder hurts again...

  
  


Rinoa: Still that old wound acting up? Poor Squall...

  
  


Selphie: Irvy, help him!

  
  


Irvine: Um...Selphie...I don't think you understood what I meant when I was telling Squall that I'm good at cheering people up...

  
  


Selphie: What?

  
  


Quistis: Irvine, behave yourself!

  
  


Irvine: Nobody understands me!

  
  


Squall: It isn't bad Rinoa. It's okay.

  
  


Zell: Yeah man, be cool. 

  
  


Seifer: Chicken-wuss...

  
  


Selphie: I know! We should have a concert to cheer up Squall!

  
  


Squall: (shit) No Selphie! Really, I'm fine now!

  
  


Rinoa: It's alright Squall...stop trying to act all tough.

  
  


Seifer: Don't waste any effort on "just hit puberty boy". Maybe there's something else wrong, Rinoa. Was he unable to "rise to the occasion" last night?

  
  


Squall: (What the fuck is his problem!) Lay off man! You're out of line.

  
  


Irvine: Don't make me go all cowboy on yo ass.

  
  


Seifer: You wanna go?

  
  


Zell:_ *to Quistis*_ Seifer would win I think...but only in close combat. 

  
  


Seifer: I could get you too chicken-wuss.

  
  


Edea: Seifer...oh Seifer...

  
  


Seifer: Sorry, gotta go...

  
  


Squall: Awww....the lapdog gotta go run to his mistress?

  
  


Seifer: _*blushing*_ Yeah...

  
  


_*Seifer exits*_

  
  


Selphie: What about that concert now. Eh? EH?

  
  


Zell: Yeah, that's a good idea Selphie-not.

  
  


Selphie: ALL RIGHT!

  
  


Squall: He just said that...

  
  


Selphie: I heard him! He said it was a good idea, started another sentence and stopped!

  
  


Squall: No, that isn't...

  
  


Selphie: ON WITH THE CONCERT!

  
  


Zell: Sorry guys...

  
  


Quistis: (God help us all)

  
  


_*FADES OUT*_

  
  


_*FADES IN TO STAGE*_

  
  


Selphie: First act, Rinoa!

  
  


Squall: You didn't say you were going to sing!

  
  


Rinoa: Might as well have one good thing in this concert _*winks at Squall*_

  
  


Selphie: SING!

  
  


Rinoa: 

I never sang my song,

On this stage, on my own.

I never said the words,

Wishing they would be heard.

I saw you smiling at me,

Was it real or just my fantasy? _*Squall smiles*_

You'd always be there in the corner

Of this tiny little bar.

  
  


My last night here for you,

Same old songs, just once more.

My last night here with you?

Maybe yes, maybe no. (No)

I kind of liked it your way,

How you shyly placed your eyes on me.

But did you ever know

That I had mine on you?

  
  


Darling, so there you are,

With that look on your face..

As if you're never hurt,

As if you're never down. _*Squall grins at the sarcasm*_

Shall I be the one for you,

Who pinches you softly but sure,

If frown is shown then

You'll know you are not dreaming. 

  
  


So let me come to you,

Close as I wanna be.

Close enough for me

To feel your heart beating fast.

And stay there as I whisper

How I loved your peaceful eyes on me.

Did you ever know

That I had mine on you?

  
  


Darling, so share with me

Your love if you have enough.

Your tears if you're holding back,

Or pain if that's what it is.

How can I let you know

I'm more than the dress and the voice?

Just reach out to me,

I'll know I am not dreaming.

  
  


_*Rinoa holds out the last note, eyes closed. When she breaks it off and opens her eyes, everybody is in tears*_

  
  


Squall: That was beautiful _*wipes eyes*_

  
  


Irvine: Very well sung. Bravo!

  
  


Zell: Yeah man.

  
  


Selphie: Okay - sniffle - time for the next act. Wait...umm...we don't have one. Any volunteers?

  
  


Irvine: Ahem...

  
  


Squall: (Oh no...)

  
  


Irvine: Let the man work.

  
  


Selphie: Okay Irvy! *_Moves aside to give Irvine room*_

  
  


Irvine: Ahem...

  
  


A little bit of Selphie in my life,

A little bit of Quistis by my side,

A little bit of Rinoa's all I need.

A little bit of...Elone is what I see...

  
  


Quistis: If you don't take me out of that song I'm gonna bitchslap your ass so fast...

  
  


Irvine: Well, generally I like to be the spanker, but just this once...

  
  


Rinoa: Could I be out of the song too please?

  
  


Irvine: It's just a - DOWN ANGELO!

  
  


Squall: (Another day in my world...welcome to hell.)

  
  


_*Angelo detaches from biting Irvine in the crotch...*_

  
  


Irvine: Oh many, many ouches...little Irvy is in pain...

  
  


Selphie: Irvy!!!!!!!

  
  


Squall: We could take him to the infirmary...

  
  


Zell: Good idea...

  
  


Quistis: Isn't Zell's house closer?

  
  


Zell: (Damn it)

  
  


Squall: Yeah, it is. Lets go.

  
  


_*FADES OUT*_

  
  


_*FADES IN TO ZELL'S ROOM*_

  
  


Zell: (I wish SO much that I had a guest room...)

  
  


Squall: This is kind of awkward...

  
  


Zell: Oh, yeah. It's just so awkward for YOU...(jackass)

  
  


Irvine: Don't flatter yourself. You're not feminine enough. It's no fun hanging out in a guy's room anyway.

  
  


Selphie: What does that mean?

  
  


Irvine: If the rest would leave us alone for a minute I could show you...

  
  


Squall: Considering what's injured, now might not be the best time for that.

  
  


Irvine: I've been hit there so many times I hardly feel it anymore, and I recover quick.

  
  


Rinoa: I bet.

  
  


Selphie: It's okay, Irvine. I'll sing you a song to help you sleep...

  
  


Irvine: No, please god NO!

  
  


Selphie: Train, train, take us away...

  
  


_*END*_

  
  


Squall: (I'll spare you the rest of that horrid song. Yes, that's the end. What else am I going to write? Nothing much...Zell and Quistis ended up together, and are now the two highest ranking SeeDs. Rinoa and I are getting married, but we decided on no children for a few years; we don't want to settle down that much yet. Irvine and Selphie...are still together. 3 years after meeting her Irvine finally got Selphie pregnant...we're not sure if it's his. Seifer still seems to think that he's Edea's knight...Edea is now 38. And this has been: A week in the life of Squall!)

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



End file.
